“The Love” by Carin Bonifacino

When I was in my early twenties, studying plants and learning how to grow things for a living, I had no idea that three decades later, I’d be officiating funerals and memorial services and writing eulogies for a living. I had no idea that my own personal losses would put me on a trajectory to work with grieving people and to spend time with them, asking questions, and learning about the lives of their loved ones.  It is such a beautiful line of work.

Unlike what you might imagine, it is neither morbid nor depressing. While we do talk about the person’s death, when I meet with a family who has lost someone, what we focus on is their person’s life. What we focus on is who they were and how they lived, what made them special and all the things they will never forget. And after having had these conversations with families for a few years now, there are a few things that have become clear to me about what matters most and what doesn’t after someone is gone.

It won’t matter what political party you belonged to or who you voted for. It won’t matter how much money you made or how big or small your house was. It won’t matter what car you drove or how many followers you had on social media. It won’t matter what titles you had or how many letters after your name. It won’t matter if you were rich or poor, successful by modern standards or just “getting by.” And it won’t matter how much stuff you had or where it came from.

In the end, what matters most is who did you love? And who loved you? And how did you show them and share with them and express that love? Who did you serve? And how generous were you with your time and your talents and your very self? Who did you lift up? Who did you care for? And who were you there for - with an ear, a hug, a card, a phone call, a check? In the end, it’s the love that matters most - that is what people remember; that is what they hold in their hearts; that is what gets them through after you’re gone. The Love. Everything else, my friends, is forgotten.

Rev. Carin Bonifacino

Rev. Carin Bonifacino writes about life, death, and love for both Grieco and Naugle Funeral Homes in the "Life is Short: Notes from a Funeral Home" blog. She is an active funeral and memorial service celebrant, a funeral director's assistant, and a death educator. Carin co-leads the monthly "Death Cafe Kennett Square" with Susan Grieco and is the co-founder of "Friends of Green Burial PA," an education and advocacy organization related to natural burial in the state of Pennsylvania. You can reach her at cbonifacino@griecofunerals.com